Bloomberg’s Belated 2020 Bid | The Daily Show


Right now the Democratic party
has an option for everyone. There’s moderates,
there’s progressives, there’s X-Men, and there’s even a guy who’s worth $1.6 billion. But what if $1.6 billion just isn’t rich enough
for some voters? Well, then,
those people might be in luck. The Democratic race
for president appears to be heating up
this morning. Former New York City mayor
and billionaire businessman Michael Bloomberg
filing paperwork on Friday to get on the ballot
for the Alabama primary. NEWSWOMAN: While he’s not
officially in the race yet, Bloomberg wants
to keep his options open, and now he wants to ensure President Trump
is defeated in 2020. His spokesman
telling NBC News… (reading): I have my reservations
about the people running and the way they’re campaigning and the-the promises they’re
making that they can’t fulfill and their unwillingness
to really, uh, admit what they– what is possible and what isn’t. Yes, Michael Bloomberg,
former New York City mayor and world’s richest house elf, is on the verge of jumping
into the Democratic primary because he doesn’t think any
of the current candidates can beat Trump.
And you have to admit, that’s such a billionaire thing
to do, right? No, because if a normal person
is worried about someone’s incompetence,
like, what do we do? We just hope for the best,
right? We just be like, “I don’t think
this pilot can land the plane. “Oh, I’m gonna pray
and text my family. “I hope they get the text
before Valentine’s Day. Oh, my God, I hope they get it
before Valentine’s Day.” We just have to hope. Meanwhile, a billionaire’s like, “I just bought the plane
and fired the pilot. Now I’ll land it myself.” It’s like, “Do you know
how to fly a plane?” “I can figure it out.
I’m very rich.” Like, why do billionaires
always do this? You know? It’s not just him.
Like, look at Bruce Wayne. Gotham’s crime
was out of control. Instead of complaining
about the cops, he was like, “Alfred, build me a car
that shoots grenades. I’ll do this myself.
I’ll just do it myself.” -(cheering and applause)
-So… billionaire Michael Bloomberg may be making
a fashionably late entrance into the presidential race, and his fellow Democrats aren’t exactly giving him
a warm welcome. I think that Mike is expressing
concern about this primary field and he should not have concern. This is a stark difference from
someone that can just come in and plop down checks
and buy a bunch of ads. Um, I think
people are gonna see through it. I think that our elections should not be something
that are bought by billionaires. So, tonight,
we say to Michael Bloomberg and other billionaires, sorry! You ain’t gonna buy
this election! -(laughing)
-(cheering and applause) Oh, man. I love Bernie Sanders. He does not mess around. You see that? Look,
he’s shutting down Bloomberg the way Popeyes employees
would be shutting down racists. Just like, “Sorry! “You ain’t gonna buy
this spicy sandwich if you say the N-word!” And I see what Bernie and
the other Democrats are saying. The only reason
it’s even possible for Bloomberg to jump
into the race so late isn’t because he has,
like, a groundswell of popular support behind him– it’s that he has $53 billion
to spend. Yeah. $53 billion. With that amount of money,
Bloomberg could, like, keep cloning
different versions of himself until he finds
the most electable one. He could be like,
“How about a tall Bloomberg? “Or how about a buff Bloomberg? “What about a black Bloomberg? Oh, no. Now I have to stop
and frisk myself!” And while the Democrats
are not thrilled that Bloomberg has thrown
his jockey cap into the ring, there’s a Republican billionaire
who seems very happy about this. There is nobody I’d rather
run against than Little Michael. Little Michael will fail. He’ll spend a lot of money. Uh, he’s got
some really big issues. He’s got some personal problems. And he’s got
a lot of other problems. But I know Michael Bloomberg
fairly well. Not too well. Fairly well.
Well enough. He will not do very well. “I know him not too well.
Fairly well. Not too well. Well enough.” -What? What are you doing?
-(cheering and applause) What are you doing? You know what, it almost feels
like Donald Trump tries to keep one foot out
of the door on every friendship, just in case that friend
turns out to be a pedophile. That’s what it feels
like he’s doing. “I know him well,
unless he’s touching kids. Then I’ve never met him.
Never met him.” Now, some people
may be wondering why Bloomberg is only joining
the race now. I mean, he told us back in March that he definitely
wasn’t running. So what changed his mind? Well, maybe all he needed
was a little push from another member of the point, zero, zero,
zero, zero one percent. WOMAN: Michael Bloomberg,
we know, taking steps to run for president. Another billionaire reportedly
giving him a little push, a little support. Recode is reporting
that Amazon’s Jeff Bezos called Bloomberg
to personally urge him to run. Wow. Jeff Bezos told Bloomberg
to run? You know you’re rich when the Amazon guy orders
something from you. (laughter) That’s money. (applause) Like… Whatever you think of Bloomberg,
you have to admit it’s not a great look
for him and Jeff Bezos to be teaming up
on this presidential run. I mean, can you even imagine
what it sounds like when two guys
with a combined net worth of $160 billion hatch a plan
together? Can you just imagine
what their phone call is like? Well, the good news is,
you don’t have to imagine, because we managed
to hack that call. (helicopter whirring) (tiger growling, dodo squawking) (audience groaning, laughing) (phone clicks off)

100 comments

I think Americans should eliminate the idea of democrats and republicans and start voting for independent candidates. America is divided not because they differ in opinions but because they have two options to choose from… which is a shitty system.

STAY THE EFF HOME
BLOOMBERG!!! NOBODY WANTS YOU! Leave it up to Sanders & Warren.
DONT FUCK THIS UP FOR US!!!
STAY THE FUCK HOME!!!!!!

Fucking Dumpty Dumpty already got a nickname from Bloomberg
when is this fucking grade school pussy ass bitch going to get removed from office with all of his stupid fucking nicknames and his incompetence and his uneducated illiterate bullshit

Fucking billionaires trying to protect their money by fucking up our race because they know Sanders and Warren are going to take some of their money away. Pussyassbitches!

One of the side effects of Trump is all of the billionaires running for president on a whim. They get free publicity, promote their companies, and bail out early. I'm starting to wonder if they're just pocketing donation money or something shady.

How is Gabbard a mutant? I expect that from the establishment not from Comedy Central. Trevor Noah is just a kiss ass and not a very funny one at that.

Pete said "Welcome to the Race", he is the only one not worried about it, cause he knows in the end, he will win the nomination regardless. Pete Buttigieg 2020!

It’s over y’all, these billionaire mufuckers have figured out that the American people are dumb asf because Trump just opened it up for niggas like these to run for president, don’t be surprised when more billionaire starts running.

At the very least, I hope Bloomberg doesn't throw his money around in a way that ruins Democratic prospects after he drops out

Now the Lizard People have a guy in there. Go Lizard People!!! Our secret leaders are coming out of the alien closet! Lizards deserve to be represented too!!!

It was this Michael Bloomberg who in the middle of an economic downturn saw it fit in raising MTA fares twice, increased 3% on poor people renting these rat infested houses in NY, told poor New Yorkers they can leave NY because living here will be a privilege. Yup, this billionaire who's after political history more than the well-being of those who truly need serious assistance.

Billionaires beware!📚😭poor people are awake🤔📚 you know your are rich when the Amazon guy ask you to run for president!🤕😆😆😆😆👏👏👏👏

But politicians take money from lobbyists whom are billionaires themselves. But don't want billionaires to run for president. I ain't supporting Trum but saying out load, about the whole lit of BULLSHIT the George Carlin way.

So the filthy rich people gonna take over the office and gonna control everything!How shameless are these rich people are,50billion dollar is not enough for them they want everything!

Hey you guys! If you hate billionaires that much – why do you still buy on Amazon? Don't you know the power of the masses?

Love and Re5pect Broo, this is a sweet az clip. Maybe if u can make one like MIT prof. Noam Chomsky as President candidate with no $ billions or millions in his pocket !!! Peace

Trevor is a corporate sell out but that last joke was gold:
"I have to schedule a funeral to my employee"
"Who died?"
"I haven't decided yet"
🤣😂😭😰😅

Ya know, I didn't think anyone could fill John Stewart's shoes, but I love this kid!!! He is simply adorable and funny as hell! Love you Trevor! As for Bloomberg, he's worried about his own wallet!

Sorry folks! This is NOT some rich a$$hole just buying an election; that's what we have NOW!!! Bloomberg was not a silver-spoon baby like Trump, but a child born to a family of Jewish immigrants from Belarus who built a business and earned his way to being the 9th richest person in the US/14th in the whole world, yet has also been one one of the billionaires who has pledged to give away HALF of his fortune–just hand it off to do some good, with most of the donations so far going to university financial aid programs, sending kids with potential through college on his dime. Warren and Bernie are trying to figure out a way to MAKE taxpayers cough up money to make college free and can't get it done even though they're in the legislative branch, which would be the part of the government that handles that; Bloomberg is just MAKING college free! Most importantly, he has real qualifications for political office. While Giuliani was out there pretending to be the Mayor of 9/11, arguing they should just skip those election things and leave him in charge, Bloomberg came in and said, uh, nuh, we're definitely going to do that election thing, because we're not going to let terrorists alter what New York City does to give Americans a choice and elect leaders who can get us through whatever they want to throw at us. As Wikipedia reports, "At the end of Bloomberg's three terms, the New York Times said 'New York is once again a thriving, appealing city where … the crime rate is down, the transportation system is more efficient, the environment is cleaner'," which is a ringing endorsement of what someone can accomplish in one of the most critical areas of the country!!! Bloomberg, won't divide Americans more with the blue state vs. red state evil reindeer games, but offer bipartisan, pragmatic leadership, having been a Democrat most of his life but also spent crucial years as a Republican and Independent, prioritizing compromise and what it takes to get things done over party. Bloomberg is the real deal, someone who can unite us and REALLY make America great, but people are dismissing him like sheeple because Bernie and Warren are bleating about him joining late as a rich dude trying to buy the election, which is the lie they have to tell given he has a real record of success to put up against their years of pointless time in Congress!

Bloomberg is respected by the Republicans, he's a proven Leader, a self-made Billionaire, a Philanthropist, one of the largest supporters of the Environment, and smarter than any of the Dems currently running.

He's only running because the leading Dems want to make him actually pay taxes on his billions. Why do you thing Bezos called him?

Crazy Bernie… fortunately, both Bernie and Warren are just unelectable… unfortunately this means 4 more years of dealing with Trump…

My Voting Bloc will vote for the most Loving/most Wise candidates for public service…be they a progressive Democrat, a Green, a progressive Independent, a Socialist, or a quasi-progressive Democrat.

We have no ideology. We are neither left, right, or center. All ideologies prevent Lucidity.

We will examine the character of the candidates and where they stand on the major issues of today. They who have the most integrity and are most in accord with our positions will get our votes.

We will never waste our votes on an Establishment Democrat like Joe Biden or Elizabeth Warren.

We will never waste our votes on anyone who supports the military-industrial complex and/or who has bent the knee to the dynastic plutocratic families, the corporate oligarchs, and the international banksters, many of whom are Zionists (like the Neocons, members of AIPAC, and Christian Zionists).

When there aren't any good candidates, we will run our own candidates from among ourselves.

On election day, if there aren't any good candidates on the ballot for a particular office, we will abstain. An abstention is a "None of the above" vote and it will be noted as such by the political analysts.

We want our public servants to–
1. put the People and Gaia Mother Earth first over profits.
2. get private money out of politics.
3. get rid of gerrymandered districts.
4. get rid of superdelegates.
5. make voting easier.
6. make sure our elections cannot be rigged.
7. enact ranked-choice voting.
8. support Independent media funded by the People.
9. enact legislation to encourage, rewarding, and protecting whistleblowers who report wrongdoing.
10. pardon Edward Snowden and Julian Assange.
11. transition to 100% renewable clean energy.
12. divest from fossil fuels.
13. upgrade our infrastructure.
14. enact paid maternity leave for at least 26 weeks.
15. make the minimum wage a living wage (at least $25 per hour).
16. enact Universal Basic Income as long as it does not affect social safety-net programs.
17. enact Single-payer Healthcare.
18. pay off or cancel student debt.
19. enact public-funded education.
20. make available free high-speed internet for all people.
21. repeal NDAA (The National Defense Authorization Act).
22. nullify the decision that affirms that corporations are people.
23. enact legislation to rein in the banks.
24. rehabilitate the police system to make sure police brutality never happens again.
25. dismantle the surveillance state.
26. end tax-exempt status of religious organizations.
27. end our holocaust of the People of the Middle East, Central Asia, Africa, and Latin America.
28. support BDS (Boycott, Divestment, Sanctions movement).
29. end all aid to Israel ($3.5 billion per year) until an equitable one-state solution can be worked out with the People of Palestine.
30. convert the military-industrial complex, including the intelligence agencies, to peaceful industries.
31. establish a Dept of Peace that will help to create a world in which no one will feel the need to have any weapons of mass destruction.
32. appoint a special prosecutor to bring to justice the Neocons and their accomplices who were responsible for the attacks of 9/11.
33. appoint a special prosecutor to bring to justice those individuals in the USA, NATO, and Israel who orchestrated ISIS.
34. appoint a special prosecutor to bring to justice Trump, Obama, Hillary, and Bush for crimes against humanity.
35. apologize to the prisoners of Guantánamo and make amends to them.
36. apologize to the People of Venezuela, Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya, Syria, and Yemen and make amends to them.
37. legalize cannabis and psilocybin mushrooms.

See my group on Facebook: "Creating a Wonderful World. (let's get it done already)".

It's because Elizabeth Warren is planning to tax them. If nothing else, they'll prevent her from winning and there will be no increased in wealth tax.

Have me on your show and together we will change the world. Peasant vs. plutocrat. This is the way forward:
www.potusforus.com/hempresolution
Together we can beat them both… though… that’s not the goal… The goal is to save this orb.

How many times do you have to elect a businessman before you figure it out? I'll give you a clue…It starts with a T and ends with a P.

Here's an idea, all of you rich White people, just give others your money; simple, and they will vote for you. Why does anybody vote for another rich old White guy; seriously? They are not going to do anything for you; not brain surgery.

MAINSTREAM MEDIA; LIKE BLOOMBERG, CNN, MSNBC , FOX, ETC… AND THE PAPERS; WASHINGTON POST, N.Y. TIMES, POLITICO, ETC… "who wants it"= choice AND option USED AGAINST US! *TRYING to stop us from JOINING THE REST OF THE WORD WITH A CIVILIZED HEALTHCARE AS A HUMAN RIGHT!*

THEY also sound A lot like the COMMUNIST RHETORIC AND WHAT WE HEARD ABOUT HITLER! The Misinformation, Lies, and Twisting of Truth! Censoring of Proponents and *Deciding For US WHO SHOULD BE PRESIDENT!!* THIS IS LIKE COMMUNISM ON MR. TRUMPS WATCH!

*BERNIE AND JANE SANDERS FOR A TRUE SOCIAL DEMOCRACY* FOR AN AMERICA FOR ALL TO *JOIN THE REST OF THE WORLD IN PEACE AND TRANSITION* TO FIGHT OUR COMMON ENEMY…. THE CLIMATE CRISES!!

Bloomberg, just commit to funding whoever wins the Democratic nomination, write the check, have a glass of bubbly, finish your lobster, and shut the hell up!

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