Everything Is Stupid – Expensive Auction Crap | The Daily Show


Some stories in the news help us understand
the world we live in, and some news stories
are just stupid. For those,
we turn to Ronny Chieng. -♪ ♪
-(cheering and applause) If you’re super rich, the only thing better
than spending your money is having other rich people
see you spend your money. And the place you do that? Auctions. It’s the place
where a guy talks so fast that he tricks you
into buying crazy shit you don’t even need. Like, one time I raised my hand
at an auction to ask where the bathroom was, and I ended up buying a yacht. And the yacht
didn’t even have a bathroom. You’re just supposed to pee
over the side like a barbarian. So, auctions were always
where the rich went to flex, but now it’s just
getting stupid. Hey, are you a fan of grapes? Would you pay $460
to eat just one? A bunch of Ruby Roman grapes
were sold at an auction for $11,000. NEWSWOMAN: The grapes are prized
for their juiciness, high sugar content
and low acidity. It is the most expensive bunch since the breed came to market
12 years ago. $11,000 for a bunch of grapes sold to the dumbest guy
in the room. That’s $500 per grape. And because they’re grapes, you know you’re gonna drop
at least one, and it’s gonna roll
under the fridge. Typical grape shit. And the mouse
that picks up that grape automatically becomes
the richest mouse of all time. If I’m buying grapes
for $11,000, those grapes better come
with a sexy man in a toga to feed them to me
and then slap the shit out of me for spending $11,000 on grapes. And, look, if you think spending a couple thousand dollars
on grapes isn’t a big deal, what about spending $100,000
on a lump of plastic? REPORTER: A little piece of the
Force sold for a small fortune. A prototype Star Wars
action figure fetched -just under $113,000
-REPORTER 2: Wow. at an auction in Pennsylvania.
Oh, my gosh. The rocket-firing Boba Fett
figure was originally intended to be part of a toy line
for The Empire Strikes Back in 1979, but it never went
into mass production. That’s because it was deemed
a potential safety hazard to children. That’s right. $113,000 for one toy. For that money, you could have
bought all of Toys”R”Us. And the worst part is you’re dropping 100 grand on a toy that wasn’t
even good enough to be released. And I wonder why. Look, I don’t remember
the part in Star Wars where Boba Fett captures
Han Solo with a red dildo. (laughter, applause) This all just shows you that Star Wars fans will buy
any stupid bullshit even remotely related
to Star Wars. And that’s why
I’m gonna start selling the Luke Skywalker walker. So, we have $10,000 grapes
and a $100,000 broken toy. And if you’re looking
to blow a million bucks on something stupid, I’ve got just the auction
for you. REPORTER:
Three original NASA videotapes of the Apollo 11 moon landing
sold at auction on the 50th anniversary
for $1.8 million. They show Neil Armstrong’s
first step on the moon and Buzz Aldrin planting
the American flag there. Footage of the moon landing? This guy just paid
almost $2 million for something he could’ve
watched on YouTube, okay? For that money,
you could buy the actual studio where they faked
the moon landing. Also, these tapes
have been sitting in a box for 50 years, okay? Someone must have taped
over them by now. Whoever bought this
is gonna be so pissed when they sit down to watch them and they’re just old episodes
of Full House. So I get that the tapes
are valuable, okay? But for that price, there
better be a man in a sexy toga feeding me those tapes. So that’s the world
of stupid auctions that are really stupid, okay? -Any questions?
-Actually, I-I have a question. And sold! You’re now
the proud owner of a new yacht with a lot of pee on the side! -Yeah! -Wait, I didn’t want
to buy– I don’t want to– No, I… Ronny Chieng, everybody.

100 comments

When you have so much money you don't know what to do with it anymore…. maybe donate it or just hand it to the next person you pass by on the street, instead of buying 11.000$ grapes. Duh.

Dude is super buff! Busting out of his suit. Wish he would ditch the suit and show up in a toga himself. 🙂

This is simply insane, with that amount of money hundred of families could be fed in Africa and Asia for years. You could even built a university with this huge amount.

What is the grapes auction was for charity?

And what if the buyer of NASA tapes is a moon landing denier?

Think Ronnie, think.

2:39 That's exactly what came to mind when I saw the red thing! I mean, come on, it's pretty obvious isn't it!

I would use that money on the Homeless starving people in my city, buy them blankets clothes food and toiletries. not a bunch of grapes.

so while most Americans are drowning in debt, the rich are buying grapes and toys for prices that could put someone through school, buy someone a car, or cover someone's medical bills. and yet the poor and programs like SNAP are vilified as a financial drain, and redistribution is seen as satanism. I fucking hate this country.

if i wanna a 3some, i wanna trevor ronny and me having great sexxxx together in a sexy toga feeding each other grapes featuring bobba fett red dildo

One of the prooves, some have so many money that they don't even care.
Seriously, what kind of world is that. This is so ridiculous! This kind of stuffs don't shocked me anymore.
What a crazy world…

If i spend $11,000 on grapes they better be hanging on the vine that is hanging on tree in the vineyard i just purchased

Ronny is into some kinky shit.

May his sexy toga-wearing man meat forever slap him for his spend-free attitude.

Awww, is Ronnie gay? He said a 'sexy MAN in a toga". What a bummer…. literally ha. He's SO hot cute sexy funny etc etc ! & a Sharp dressed, man 🙂 He got it goin' ON ! 🙂 Too bad he won't be interested in takin' me out. Go Ronnie, you are giving Asian Guys a GREAT REP ! 🙂 Must be that macho Aussie attitude & accent, so manly & attractive on an Asian guy ! haha

I love it!
The last few times I've got to an auction I've come away with LOTS of bicycles and bicycle parts from police auctions that are very easy to fix up and sell.

The person who bought the grapes cloned them and made the greatest wine ever created. He is now a billionaire.

This kind of wealth flexing is fucking disgusting. I’m not at all a fan of the idea that “freedom to be horrible” should be a thing.

Auction is just cheat codes for investments. A way for rich people to get richer. That's how it's been ever since artists and jewelry makers existed. They're the ones who create this nonsense culture.

1:23 Woah Ronny, you're wrong. You meant to say that mouse is actually a rat who's gonna combine that grape with cheese and become the next Remy. Then he's gonna be rich from running a restaurant.

Those grapes don't taste like normal grapes. They're also INDIVIDUALLY hand turned to BE SURE the color is even and has no blemishes… That said… I personally feel that the moon landing tapes were the only things of real importance.

well throwing money at nasa doesnt seem to me like most unreasonable thing to do i hot more problems with art auctions where you can buy a blue line on canvas for 35mio…

The boba fett they showed actually became a mail in toy. If you got a Star Wars action figure in like 2010is/2012ish there was a paper that said if you send this paper with your info on it you will get a free action figure and i still have that boba fett

I thought 11k for a bunch of grapes is dumb…but…if you plant the seeds in a few years you get your investment back and can make millions from a full vineyard. Just an idea.

The real question is: how do you plant plastic toys?

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